With my beautiful wife lying on a monitor and us watching babies heart rate, little were we to realize that watching a monitor will become one of the things we will be doing on a daily basis. The second time his heart rate plummeted the Doctor said, get dressed for theatre and hurry, he must come out NOW!!! I remember me scrambling into scrubs, thinking back I am not sure how my wife got ready, but I took a selfie of us, held her close and prayed for her and our little boy. We were in for a bumpy ride and we needed all the help we could get.
In theatre I sat and held her hand and prayed, prayed for her, prayed for our son and prayed for strength to be strong for my family. Our son was taken out and put on monitors and breathing equipment. I worried about mom, is she okay, worried about him, our toddler daughter left at school totally oblivious to what was happening and where we were, a theatre full of people and I felt so lonely. I only knew one "person", God and I kept speaking to him, asking His help, guidance and strength and God did not hold back.
There he was, only weighing 1.5kg's, a teeny weeny person lying in an incubator. Monitors beeping away, nurses explaining what they mean and what they are doing. I was stunned, tiring fast as the adrenaline wore off and just so stressed and worried. Coming to my senses I started sending messages to friends, to a prayer group, to family and the church and there a prayer chain started. Everybody started praying for us and our wee boy, I knew, it is going to be tuff, but we will make it.
Being in a hospital became second nature.
Watching monitors takes over your life and then one day in the future, they take them off and this is even more scary.
Worrying the whole time 24/7 becomes part of life. Stressing about your toddler, spouse and work is constant. This is what you have to work through. I had to work remotely and try and scramble together some hours for work as I had no paid leave left after HG. No mercy or support from my employer, you either work or you have no funds to buy food and what we need.
I reached out to The Neonatal Trust for help, they were awesome and sent us vouchers and clothes for our premature wonder. Friends also put in a request to Bellyful who dropped off some lovely meals for us. Ranui House provided us with much needed accommodation and supported us as well. In times when one is struggling emotionally and also financially, these organisations support means soo much to one. We suddenly were receiving a lot of support from our local church, prezzies for our toddler, ready made meals for us and a lot of prayers. You realize that there still are good people out there, no, GREAT people. Without their support our journey would have been so much more difficult.
When one is emotionally drained, small little gestures mean a lot to one. Receiving a text asking how you are or saying "we are praying for your family" picks you up and gives you the strength to carry on. Never forget how much small little things you do might mean to somebody.
The day we were told the monitors are being taken off our little guy was both exciting and scary, no monitor to watch if he is okay, but least we could cuddle him without cables getting in the way. One step nearer to going home, next step, drinking enough breastmilk by himself without the feeding tube being used. Fortunately this did not take long as he loved suckling and his super mom was awesome in helping him get there real quick. We were very glad the day we finally could go home, we were emotionally drained and needed the comfort of our home, our comforting place, a more normal than a flat and a hospital chair.
During this time I prayed more than I have ever prayed in my life. God was helping us, supporting us and protecting our wee baby. God provided for us, He gave us the strength to cope and was there with us throughout our journey. Standing here, holding my son while I am writing this, is testimony of how great God is. Our healthy little boy has grown so much, we are so blessed.
Never give up, never doubt how great God is, He will carry you through your journey, believe in Him, trust Him and keep on praying.
If you are going through a situation like this, reach out to us by using the "Contact me" section on our Home page so that we can pray for you and emotionally support you. This is a difficult and hard journey, but totally worth it.
